The way things have been going, an uneventful week is welcome. I’m not always able to be positive and the incessant run of bad days and frustrations was starting to take it’s toll. Going personal here, but I see my regular family Doc today and it’s time to talk to him about depression. Yeah, I know, “But, you’re so positive all the time, no way you can be depressed.” Well, the truth is, I am and I have no shame in admitting it. Further, if i don’t discuss it here, I would feel like a coward. Many of us need help with this and there’s nothing to feel weak about. Honestly, weakness is wallowing in it and doing nothing. I’ve mainly avoided it because I don’t want to take any more medications than I have to, but I have to be man enough to accept the help that I need. If you’re wondering if you might be depressed, you probably are. Put that shame in a box and set it on fire. I’ll see you at the shrink’s office and I’ll still look you in the eye and take you for a beer afterwards. It’s nothing but another enemy to be kicked in the teeth, so plant your feet and fight your fight.

WEEKLY BULLET POINTS

  • MONDAY-WEDNESDAY: Well now I need a Psychologist and a new Neurologist. I’m starting to have that team of doctors that older people tend to have. I guess it’s time to quit just saying “I’m fine!” to every problem. Positive attitude is great, but sometimes thinking you can do anything gets you into trouble.. Hello, reality, nice to finally meet you.
  • THURSDAY: Saw my family doc today to extend disability one more month to give PT a chance to get some healing done then I’m going back to work no matter what. If it’s surgery then it’s just going to have to wait. Also finally talked to him about depression, no shame at all there. Prescribed Lexapro.
  • FRIDAY: Fantastic, talking to the pharmacist today I’m looking forward to more Insomnia and now nausea while getting used to the anti-depressant. Better yet, combined with my PD meds I have to watch out for Serotonin Syndrome: Agitation, seizures, headaches, and of course it’s potentially deadly. Maybe the depression is better, but I’m going to give this a shot.
  • SATURDAY: Woke up at 4:30, I think about 3 hours of sleep. Nausea from the new meds. The struggle is real. On the plus-side, this helps get started on a busy day. Trying to find a few hours to sleep today is a must.
  • SUNDAY: Waking up it feels like this day is already over, at least I wish it was. This nausea almost makes me wish I had experimented with drugs instead of being semi-straight edge.

I won’t wrap up this weeks summary with complaints though. My life could be so much worse. I did have a good week of training in spite of a painful back spasm that’s lasted for days. I also have a return to work date in early October. While I wish my elbow could be properly fixed first, I just can’t wait for months again. Physical Therapy has one month to generate some healing before it’s back to loading and driving the big brown trucks at 4:30am. As difficult as the job is, I’m looking forward to it. I’m sure this means that my elbow will remain an issue and it’s only a matter of time before it get’s unbearable again but I’m going to spend as much time being productive as I can. There will likely come a day when I won’t be able to choose to go to work, so until then this is my choice.