I’ve really had a tough time getting going today. Being physically broken down from brutally heavy training for the Ironborn Summer Smash this Saturday. I had put so much work into this competition after finding out that my home gym was hosting our first USPA sanctioned meet the same month that I had planned on taking a shot at my next record. Recently finding out that the World Record is not breakable at our event, and two injuries at the very worst possible time have really gut-punched me. The chances of my performance this weekend even coming close to my expectations have been virtually crushed… but not totally. My initial reaction is fear. Fear of failure. Fear of disappointment. Fear of running out of time. It took me counseling a friend about overcoming this emotion this morning to remind myself that I’ve been here before. I looked up an old post and video from my currently hibernating blog to find her an answer, and in doing so, I found my own:
<MOLON LABE – COME AND GET THEM> My earlier experience at defeating this emotion.
and the video that goes with it: FEAR
I am not afraid to fail. In fact, I can guarantee that I won’t. Because “There are an infinite number of ways to succeed. INFINITE. But their is only one way to fail, and that’s standing still.” – Eddie Pinero. <LINK TO “The Pursuit”> , Eddie’s phenomenal video, and the source for this quote. Well this Saturday, I won’t be standing still. I’m sticking with my plan to open with a 625lb deadlift and then gun right for my goal. My feet will try to drag just walking out my squat. My arms don’t listen to what my brain commands and any bench press has a chance to die at any point in the attempt and the deadlift, my best lift, has recently been getting weaker and weaker. This does give me a real chance at bombing out, but I’m not there to participate. I’m there to show what you can do with Parkinson’s. What that really means is not that you can break world records or lift incredibly heavy weights despite balance issues, immobility and a slow nervous system. Those things are just a cool side effect of the real answer to the “what can you do with PD?” question. The real answer of what you can do is simply to try. If you can’t stand, LEAN. If you can’t walk, CRAWL. The option to make an effort is always there and if you push on the walls of the box that life tries to put you in, they will grow. Today’s step becomes tomorrow’s stride, tomorrow’s stride becomes a walk and from there you learn to fly.
I have a lot of friends getting ready to compete this weekend all around the country. Many have expressed worry, doubt and fear about how they will perform. The only way that fear of failure becomes reality is with your permission. When you decide not to give in, but instead to step into the arena, to feel the grit of it’s sand under your feet and take up what weapons you have to face your foe, you have already won. You are alive now, so LIVE. Accept your fear and drag it kicking and screaming into the arena with you, then throw it to the lions. Since they won’t be eating you, at the very least, let the beasts not die hungry.